by Katherine Bing - author of Singleholic!

Ok... my last post was all about how I was going to this seminar 'Get the Guy' run by a dating advice expert Matthew Hussey. Boot Camp on how to pick up a man. I wish I'd done this stuff when I was 18! So here's what happened...

Picking up guys in a bar: how is it done? As a woman, you can’t do the chatting-up yourself of course. Somehow you have to draw the man in. Matthew laughs.

‘You women are terrifying! We guys are petrified of going up to a girl and talking to her because you’ll laugh in our faces!’

We giggle. So how do you make a guy feel secure enough to ask you out? How do you look approachable?

Apparently, looking and smiling isn’t good enough. No. Smile all you want girls and for some guys, he’ll still be too scared to approach. Huh? So what are we meant to do? Matthew winks.

‘Smiling and looking are essential. But it’s all in the way that you smile and look.’

I twist in my seat, eager for the rest.

‘When you look at a guy, you can’t just look at him. Instead, first look down, then up at him, then down again.’

You mean that’s it?

‘No, there’s a step two. A minute later, you look back, but this time when he catches you looking, you smile to yourself, as if you’ve been caught out. And then step three: look back and smile.’

Get it girls? Three steps on how to look at a guy. Matthew insists that even the shyest of guys will get that you fancy him, by doing this. Just looking at him isn't enough. And you know what? I think he's right! I've certainly had positive feedback from my male friends about it. They say it would definitely work on them. What I haven't done yet is actually go out into the battlefield and try it out.... I suppose that'll be my next blog...

In the meantime though, what strategies in picking up guys have worked for you? And what do you think of this one?


  1. Fun blog Katherine. It seems like a lot to remember - the looking up and down, away and back and smiling at him then to yourself then at him again. Meeting men/women in these situations is a "dance" of sorts but you can't force the issue - I mean it can't look like you're "acting" like you're interested or trying too hard to get his attention. What Matthew Hussey described is just the age old art of flirting with body language - and I think if you're relaxed and have some confidence and genuinely are attracted to someone you can pretty much get your point across - as long as he feels the same way. That's the other half of the equation. But do tell us what happens if you try out Matthew's strategy.

  2. aach, I always sucked at this...I also heard the variation is look, meet eyes, then look "shyly" down at your drink. Wait a few minutes, then look again...seems like a lot of trouble though! What about if the girl approaches the guy? Or is this not cool? LOL...

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  4. Lisa- apparently it is not cool for the girl to approach the guy LOL!

  5. Yikes, I was always awful at this type of thing. *laughs* For one, I'm too bubbly and fun after just one drink to pay attention to hints and clues of how to act. Oh, well!!

    Fun post! From a writer's perspective, this info is Gold!

    --Chiron O'Keefe

  6. I've always found that picking up guys in bars (and I used that technique back in the day - it does work!) has led to me dating alcoholics, but then again, I'm just not lucky with men! I'm still single at 45 and probably always will be because I won't play games to get a man's attention, I won't date guys I meet on the Internet (what a disaster that was!) and I don't go to bars much any more either. I've decided that if love is meant to find me, it will (in an old-fashioned, romantic way that I can trust), and if it's not, c'est la vie. Good thing I've learned how to be my own best friend!

  7. For me, the 'look' strategy never worked. Case in point - the night I met my husband at a family dinner in a very big lawn. I looked and looked and looked until I was sure my eyes would pop out of their sockets. He even caught me looking, and now he tells me at the time he was thinking, what does she want? I was like, wasn't it obvious I wanted to jump your bones asap? He replied with a blank "no!".

    Always found the direct approach to work for me. Heck, I'm a direct kind of person. Won't play shy or coy and then later on the bloke finds out I've got a no-holds-barred approach! So yeah, most often I've made the first move.

    In the case of the hubby, turns out his brother was married to my cousin at the time, and at the first opp, I told her, "your Bil is a dish!" And she went, "want me to arrange a date?" And that's how we were having a dinner a week later, the first of many dinners in the 7 years since!

    If you're a direct and frank kinda girl, stay true to yourself. You'll thank yourself for it because the bloke will definitely know what and who he's getting into right at the start. No nasty surprises then!

    Funny post Katherine! Do let us know how the strategy works!



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