Five Weddings And A......

by Nana Malone

Nothing says spring or summer like wedding cake, bridezillas and ugly bridesmaid dresses. It’s that time of year again and somehow my presence is required at five different weddings. Five!?! Now, don’t get me wrong, I heart a good wedding. There’s a nostalgia that reminds me of my own wedding—The chaos, the nagging mother, the gorgeous hubby in a tux in sweltering Ghana…Ah, the memories. I love weddings, I do. What I don’t love is the weird sense of obligation.

I love the vows and the commitment and the expression of love in all manner of different ways. But these days, there’s so much other stuff that comes with weddings. There’s the bridal shower and the bachelorette party and if you’re lucky, you get to have more than one shower and let’s not get started on the wedding presents and the all-important dress. And I’ve been to more than one wedding where I knew the couple wasn’t going to make it. *Gasp* I know.

A case study. I know this girl, we’ll call her Barb. Now Barb has a modest budget of which she blew half on the dress. For weeks, all she talked about was the decorations and the food and the song. When I asked her what the first thing she was looking forward to about her upcoming marriage, I got nothing but crickets. Shoot I never even heard the poor groom’s name. Now I only know her in an ancillary capacity. How is it I’m invited to all three of her wedding showers, the one for all her girls, the one thrown by her mom, and the coed one? And sure enough each time I get a notice about where the couple is registered. And yes I’m Ghanaian enough to never want to go anywhere empty handed. I started turning down her invites. That’s when the stalking commenced. I still slink down in my seat every time I drive by her job for fear she’ll run out and harangue me for a gift.

Okay look, yes, I’m fun. I know it. *Shrugs with cheeky grin.* But somehow when I get the fourth email reminder about your third shower, which I already declined, that says to me you just want me for my excellent gift giving capability and not my fabulous sense of humor.

Then there’s this girl, who we’ll just call Callie. Callie is a lovely girl, but I barely know her. But somehow I’m in her sixteen person bridal party. Yeah, you read that right. I think I was only invited because she was going for a serious United Colors of Benetton feel. Well, I was in her wedding party until I balked at the cost of the $700 bridesmaid number with $300 shoes to match. I told her that while I would love to, I just couldn’t be part of her special day for that kind of price tag. Weird, she’s now telling everyone I’ve ruined her wedding. Yes, she’s needy and just this side of crazy. But I digress.

So as I hunt Crate and Barrel for yet another wedding gift, I wonder if I’m the only one on wedding overload. What’s the craziest thing you’ve been asked to do for a wedding?

Pictures courtesy of Google images and


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